I actually love my boyfriend so much, he’s my favourite person in the whole world.

I remember those times, even up to last year when I used to just sit there crying because I hated myself and my life. I’d had boyfriends, but most of them only wanted one thing. I know I’m not pretty, but I always thought like ‘Why is it fair that all these girls have perfect lives’. I thought like…’Why would anyone LOVE me?’ And when my mum would talk about weddings and stuff and I’d just be sat there like ‘No-one’s going to want to marry me, I’m so ugly and pathetic’. Then all of a sudden, my life turned around and so many things happened at once. Now I’m not as insecure as I was, and I kind of like myself in a weird way. I’ve got someone who loves me and thinks that I’m perfect, not for me being a slag or how I look or how I act, just for me. He actually loves me and wants to be with me. I still sometimes find that strange and get insecure and jealous, but my life’s better now. We’re not perfect or functional or over the top, but I love what we are. I love him, I love the way he makes me feel about myself and I quite like my life now. It’s not easy or perfect, but it’s good, and it’s better than it’s ever been before.

Everyone keeps telling me it isn’t my fault and that that’s what people are like in that shitty fucking place and he just threw himself on me but it’s making me more fucking angry. It is my fucking fault though, I always go over my limit. Like…I was drunk already, why did I have to drink more? How fucking stupid. I couldn’t even walk and had no battery on my phone, yet I thought it’d be an excellent idea to go and drink more in a shitty fucking nightclub full of 14 year olds. I’m never drinking again. I’m 18 in 3 weeks but I don’t even care. Alcohol’s fucking shit. Blaize got her purse stolen, abbie’s ID got taken, I mean who would willingly put themselves into that situation?! Fucking stupid teenagers who should have better things to do than poisoning their liver with a disgusting drink. Fuck off. No I’m fuming. I keep making myself more angry.

All because of some stupid fucking twatting ugly cunt thinking he’s gods gift I could lose everything that I’ve ever wanted and the most important thing in my fucking life. Why? Why? Why? To quote Mario Balotelli, WHY ALWAYS ME. It is always me though. I’m always the one that something embarrassing or tragic or stupid happens to. Like…walk around with my knickers on full display or have chewing gum in my fucking mouth when someone kisses me or being in some shitting trampy club. I don’t MEAN to put myself in these situations, they just come out of nowhere and before I know it I’m sitting in bed hungover as fuck and crying about how stupidly I put myself into these stupid fucking positions. If it ends or I get left now because of this, I will fucking kill myself and then kill the cunt who caused this to happen. The fucking cunt thinking he has some chance when he fucking doesn’t, I hope he dies. Fucking fuming. Now I’m just gonna have to fucking sit here all day wondering whether it’s going to be the worst day of my fucking life or not. Fuck sake. I’m the biggest cunt on earth. I ruin everything. If I’ve ruined the most important thing in my life I’ll fucking shoot myself. Fuming. End of rant, it’s been a long while since I’ve had to resort to tumblring on my phone but I’m so fucking angry at myself I can’t contain it. What a fuck up I am. Okay I’ve finished now. Maybe. I don’t know. I can’t stop typing. Fuck this shit, I’d rather fail all my exams than this end badly. I don’t even care. Gonna cry all day and die in pain and hungoverness. Okay I really have done now.

I have the mother of all hangovers.